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02 November 2009 @ 03:24 pm
Anybody out there?
15 April 2007 @ 05:24 pm
What disgusts me about human beings is their sense of entitlement.

I don't owe anybody anything.
What I have, I have because I worked for it.  Because I earned it.  And because I want it.   When I feel so inclined, I share what I have.  When I have enough weed to smoke with others, I do, regardless of whether or not they have weed, because I hope they'd do the same for me if I was dry and needed a smoke.   I share without question, because its the right thing to do.  But people are taking it for granted.  Now they're expecting me to.

And it pisses me off that people who I have always shared everything with think that I'm SUPPOSED TO.  And when I say no- their eyes bug out of their faces and then they give me the silent treatment .

Well fuck that.

No more freebies.
No more favors.

The same people that criticize me for doing drugs think that I'm a bitch for not sharing. 
And I'm fucked up?

The girl at work who I worked for on Easter so she could go home is pissed that I chose to go bowling on my day off instead of cover for her again.   I've worked her shift several times.  I've sacrificed bowling for her before.  I had just covered for her two days before.  There have been times I've been ready to go and she'd call me an hour before her shift started, crying with some story, and I cancel my plans to help her.   But because I said that I REALLY didn't want to, and offered to help her try to find someone else to cover her, I'm in the dog house with my boss. 

The same exact situation happened with the same person to Anna, and SHE had to have a meeting with the OWNER about not being a team player, when the week before she had to go to West Virginia for a FUNERAL and no one covered her shifts but me.
I'm not a team player?  Anna's not either? 

Fuck that.

With people like that, I shouldn't care what they think of me.  But every now and again the anger builds up past the boiling point in my belly and I need to let out steam. 

Sometimes I hear people bitching and I just want to tell them to look in the fucking mirror before they start throwing stones. 
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
01 April 2007 @ 03:36 pm
So last night, I'm just chillin, cleanin my room, trying to reorganize my life after coming back from new orleans and letting everything go.  I decided to take a computer break, and randomly thought to check my school email.  I never check my school email.  I open a letter from Elizabeth Hester, and it says:

Dear Future Graduate Student,


It is my pleasure to inform you that your application for the graduate program in Communication Disorders has been accepted beginning with the Fall 2008 Semester. Please contact the program coordinator, Elizabeth Hester, [(845) 257-3465 or hestere@newpaltz.edu] by April 15, 2007 to confirm whether or not you will be attending SUNY New Paltz this fall. You will receive a formal letter by regular mail confirming this shortly.

Elizabeth Hester, PhD, CCC/SLP
Department of Communication Disorders
Graduate Program Coordinator
S.U.N.Y. New Paltz
600 Hawk Drive
New Paltz, NY 12561


I screamed.  Over and over.  Then I ran down the stairs (still screaming) and knocked on everybody's doors like the house was on fire.  I busted into Kelly and Steve's room jumping up and down like a maniac.  I ran back upstairs and threw myself in Noura's arms,  laughing like a nut.   Then I ran into my room and jumped on my bed, still screaming.

Then I called my mother, and she started screaming.  She got my father on the phone, and while he didn't scream, I could hear the pride in his voice.  The mommy came back on the phone and said how proud she was and how she wished I were home so we could go out and drink.  Then I was like, oh my god I need to go DRINK!  So she sent me on my way. 

I brought my computer in the bathroom with me so I could listen to ska while I showered.  Reel Big Fish and Save Ferris are like, the best bands to celebrate in the  shower to.  I was dancin and squeeling and jumping up and down on the bathmat, singin at the top of my lungs. 

Then I got all dolled up.  I wore the bangin outfit I had for New Orleans, my kick ass knee high boots, I even put on MAKE UP just to go to Bacchus!  I said screw it, I feel like a million bucks and I wanna look as good as I feel! 

Then Noura and I went to Bacchus where I excitedly told everybody the news and got free shots.  I had a chilled shot of Patron, which is an eight dollar shot, but I deserved it! I found out later that it was free, and thats really cool.  Noura and I went to play pool, where she beat me more often than not, but it was so much fun.  Then to our surprise Steve showed up with the guys next door! So we all played together, and I was so happy to have people to celebrate with.  I just walked around beaming and hugging everyone.   I frickin kissed one of the regulars! (on the cheek of course) but I was like, "Tom I'm in grad school, gimme some!" and just threw myself in his old man arms.  I love him like an uncle.

Eventually my housemates went home and I stayed to continue the merry making.  I ended up leaving with Corey and Marty to go to Gabe's place.  While there, we smoked vast amounts of marijuana while Steve, Gabe's housemate, served us various drinks, telling us where they come from and how they were made, down to the fermentation of the grains or the harvesting of the grapes.  It was so cool.  Then they made pasta, which was a little undercooked, but to Stoned Kathy at 3:00 AM it was heaven in a dish.

Marty and I ended up leaving at six in the morning.  Rather than drive home, I let him crash here.  But when I drink I get such vivid dreams, and now I'm self conscious that he heard me screaming in my sleep or something.  Eh, if he heard, he heard, whatchagonnado?  But I do get shy, sometimes I cry or wimper in my dreams, and I think I was doing that last night.  My night was amazing, but the dreams were creepy.

And right now I hardly know what to do with myself.  I'm still basking in near disbelief.  I did it.  I fucking did it.  And I did it all by myself, with hard work and dedication.  I earned this, and I'm so fucking proud I could pop.  I've secured my place here for another two years.  I don't think anything could bring down this high.  I feel like a million dollars.  No, a million skittles.   I want to swim through the rainbow sea like scrooge mcduck does through money.
Current Mood: accomplished
28 March 2007 @ 11:36 pm
So much has happened in the last couple weeks that I've decided that it is thoroughly impossible to put it all in one entry.  So I've been procrastinating because its too much to write, which of course makes it worse cuz more stuff keeps happening, and now I'm having trouble remembering it all.  But I guess that's a sign that I've really been having a good time.  I'm gonna write about New Orleans and the days that followed in little snippets.  I remember certain things better than others, so I'll do it flashback style.

But of course, I'll start at the beginning and do the best I can.

Andy and Mike and I had been arguing the last week before the trip because they were being stupid and hadn't booked their flight yet.  I held out and paid too much money to fly out of Albany with them, and we weren't even on the same plane.  In fact, they missed their plane.  So that's how our trip began.  Getting to the airport and them missing their flight.  Mine was in an hour, and their new flight wasn't for a few hours, so they left to get breakfast and I went through security.

I took the opportunity/ waited til the last minute so this was my last chance to do my hearing loss simulation project in the airport.  I plugged up my ears and went about my business, and to my surprise, it did affect my experience.  I mean, I could still hear through the earplugs, of course, and it wasn't my first time in an airport, so I thought this time would be the same.  The security guards didn't take kindly to my not following directions properly.  I took my shoes off cuz I saw everyone else do it, and put my bags through the xray thing.  Apparently they had announced that you had to take your laptops out of your bag, so they had to check my shit for bombs and treated me like I was retarded.  Then I noticed all the signs that said to take your laptops out, so I felt retarded. 

Got to New Orleans six hours before the boys, so I got to hang out alone with Nikki.  She picked me up in her new wheels and we headed to Metairie to her apartment.   She lives in a great building, its painted a colonial mustardy yellow, with wooden gates and steps and porches.  She's on the third floor and has her own one bedroom place.  She has a balcony out her bedroom door and a washer dryer next to her bathroom.  The place is amazing.  All new appliances, plenty of room, sky lights.  I'm so happy for her.  It was so great to see that she was doing well, and living somewhere safe, and just living life!  Who's got it better than Nikki?  She graduated from Tulane last spring, now she has her own place outside New Orleans, and gets a kickass salary and benefits from a job that gives her a work car and laptop and is sending her to Puerto Rico for a business trip this summer.  I want to BE Nikki.

We picked up daiquiris at a drive through daiquiri bar.  It was Wednesday, so 22 oz. daiquiris to go were only five dollars.  We both got a blend called Mardi Gras Madness, then picked up lunch at a burger joint called Lee's.

Went back to her place with the drinks and food and hung out for a while.  Nikki had been preparing for our arrival, and had bought two grams of hash for our trip!  I had never smoked hash before, so we decided to wait for the guys, cuz they get a kick out of devirginizing me.  We smoked some weed instead, and let me tell you, it was SO much better than anything I can get in New York.   It gave me the kind of high that I didn't even know hit me until I did something I found incredibly funny, then I'd laugh like I was gonna pee my pants.  Then just as quickly, I'd snap out of it, and wonder if I was still even high.  Then a second later I'd be cracking up again.  I felt like I was fourteen all over again.

That night we went to Frenchman St. and Esplanade for dinner and to see some music.  We ate at Snug Harbor, which pleased me cuz the name made me think of home.  That, and a really good Robert Heinlein book, but anyway!  We sat down and Mike got a cup of gumbo that I thought was gonna burn my tongue out of my mouth.  Luckily there was an abundance of Abita beer to quench the flames!  Turns out the Abita brewery is on the North shore!  I knew we had Abita at Bacchus but I didn't know it was from New Orleans.  Every bar we went to that week had Abita Amber on tap.  It was delightful, and I loved that it was made right there.  When I came home I checked our beer menu, and the only Abitas we have are Turbodog and Purple Haze.  Turbodog's good.  I dunno about that raspberry wheat beer shit.  But no amber. 

I got the penne special for dinner for $8.95.  It had chicken in a cajun red sauce and was pretty yummy.  Washed it down with some leggy Cabernet and I was a happy bunny.

Snug Harbor is known for its great shows, as well as unreasonably expensive covers.  That night Irvin Mayfield was playing, and they were charging $15 a head.  But we heard the music from the dining room, and couldn't pass it up.  We were lingering by the door, asking how much longer they'd be playing, to see if it would be worth paying to stay.  We had just bought dinner though, and the show was almost over, so they let us in for free.  We went upstairs and watched from the balcony and had a few more drinks while they played.   Irvin Mayfield is a trumpet player.  A hot trumpet player.  Nikki, her friend Rachel, and I were trying to count the ripples of muscle we could see through his sweater.  You've gotta have some crazy muscles if I can see them through a baby blue sweater from a balcony.  The other band players were so young!  When he introduced them in the end, I was shocked to learn they were in high school!  They were just local musicians, playin at Snug Harbor on a school night.  The guy on the sax was especially impressive.  He and Irvin did some crazy solos.  The bass player and drummer also deserve honorable mention.  Every person in the building was either dancing or bouncing in their seats.   I started gettin all jazzy in my chair, bobbin my head and tappin my foot, but there just wasn't any room to get up and boogie.  We stayed until they closed.

After that, we crossed the street to The Spotted Cat, where more live music was playing.   The people I encountered there were so interesting that I have to just leave it for another entry.  Too much for one day.
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
19 March 2007 @ 01:23 pm
Of course I get my period before my trip.  That's how it goes.  I shouldve expected it.  Well, I did expect it a little, since I'm so down with my moon cycle now.  I got my period the day before the new moon this month, but I blame my housemates!  I know Noura had hers last week, and that Kelly is due sometime soon, so I think our pheromones got all mixed together.  Cool how that works, huh? 
Anyway, I still think its awesome that without birth control, I'm able to predict my menarche to the day. That rules.  And that I bleed on the new and ovulate on the full moon just fucking kicks ass.  I don't know how that started happening, but it rules.

Anyway, got the moonblood.  PMS was murder this month.  I was a bitch on wheels.  And I gained back all the weight I lost because I couldn't control my eating.  I've just been shovelling food into my mouth all week, the saltier and chocalate-ier the better.  I'm not getting on a scale.  I don't want to know.      But now that I'm bleeding, hopefully the bloating will go down and I won't fee like such a cow.

On a happy note, I told Nikki, and she turned my period into an unexpected bonus. She said I could sleep in her bed and we'd make the boys sleep on the floor in the other room.  Andy is basically flying to New Orleans on the offchance that he'll get to fuck Nikki.  Nothing amuses me more than inadvertantly cock-blocking Andy.   I'm smugly happy about it.

I've gotta pack.  I should be leaving for Albany soon.
06 March 2007 @ 11:48 pm
I am so relieved!  After a week of blood, sweat, and tears, we have come up with a solution to next year's lease!  Our landlord wanted us to sign last Wednesday and we stalled.  He threatened to find other people to sign the lease, and told us he was doing us a favor by giving us the opportunity to resign.  So if we couldnt find two people to sign our lease with us tomorrow, Ben was gonna start looking for new tenants.  

We stressed all week.   We searched the internet bulletin boards, rent.com, posted livejournal ads, but everything fell through.   It was a total headache pain in the ass that none of us wanted to deal with, especially over midterms. 

And today everything came together perfectly.  I emailed Ben and asked if we could have a dog.  I wanted Anna to move in so bad, but we just couldn't risk getting evicted if Ben caught us with Nelly.   Ben said it would be fine if Anna put up a bigger deposit and signed something promising to keep Nelly in line.  Nelly is such a good dog, I'm not worried about her behavior at all.   So Anna's in, and so is Lizzie!  At first it was iffy with her because Ben was such an asshole he made a shitty impression.   She was gonna sublet from Noura for six months while Noura traveled, so she'd be sharing the upstairs with me  That woulda kicked butt too.  But Noura might stay, so Lizzie would need a different room.  What more perfect room than the one downstairs right next to Anna's?  Lizzie really only wants to stay half a year til she gets her shit together for grad school, so subletting from Noura was ideal.  BUT, Noura's friend, whose name I can't begin to spell, but sounds like Kaylee, already said that he'd wanna move in.  So Lizzie would have no problem finding someone to sublet the other half of her lease, plus, the guy who's moving in is Noura's best friend and we all love him cuz he rules and can juggle.

Once again, I wonder why I stress myself out so much.   Things just work out for me.    I must have done some pretty amazing shit in my past lives. 
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
22 February 2007 @ 03:48 pm
I had crazy insomnia last night, so I stayed up til 5.  During that time I made crazy improvements to my grad essay.  I had awesome topic sentences and great transitions and I just worded everything so great, I was so proud of myself.   I opened my essay today to see that I didn't save ANY of my changes.   All of it is gone.  All my good stuff.  And I don't remember it all now cuz I'm stoned and I only really opened the essay to read how great it was, not to write it afuckingain.  

Sometimes I just want to crumble up all the pages and set my desk on fire.
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: Fiona, The Child Is Gone
12 February 2007 @ 11:51 am
I think that the way I spend my Sunday nights has a direct impact on the rest of my week. Last week I drank red wine and went to the Bistro instead of class. Then I skipped classes the rest of the week. Last night, instead of wine, though I really wanted it, I stayed up studying for aural rehab. The damn test was at 8:30 this morning. I had forgotten about it all weekend, and thought that it was Wednesday. So I went to bed around 1 and got up at 6 to keep studying. Popped an adderol, and I tell ya, I don't know how it works, but it works!

I went to class and took the test in twenty minutes. Then I stayed a good five minutes more to check everything. The questions I got right were really easy. There were some that I just had no idea and had to guess on and take it as a loss. I had no idea what kind of material they make hearing aids out of for people with extreme allergies. I put silicone, but I wanted to say- nothin! You give em some other kind of assistive device! Trick question? Tricky tricky.

So I got home around nine and baked a cake. I put on my music and whipped out my cookbook and made vegan orange cake. I don't think it'll be vegan when I frost it, but right now its egg and dairy free. And it looks heavenly. I actually pulled it off. The whole house smelled like baked orange deliciousness. I grated tangerine rind and mixed it in the batter, and mixed it with orange juice and the cake has a creamy orange color to it. I'm so excited. I think I'll make a second layer tonight.

The rest of the day must be strategically managed. At 12:30 I have linguistics, gettin a ride 12:15- check. After that- 1:45 gym til about three. Go home, shower, smoke, bake another cake. 5:00 I have to go to a stupid tips certification thing for work. Its supposed to do with IDing and liquor laws and stuff. You meet some cop, you're supposed to suck up, then you're good. Its gonna suck. After that- gotta go to Eckerd and get decoration supplies. Anna's gonna come over after work and help me make chains out of red and pink wrapping paper for the tea social tomorrow.

Damn thats a lot. Better get on that...
Current Mood: accomplished
27 January 2007 @ 01:43 am
So I've been scrounging a little for cash since the shindig last week, so I've been making a real effort to conserve weed. I had JUST enough today to get by, and that's because I've been denying myself in order to buckle down and study. I saved myself a celebratory bowl for after the GRE, and then decided that I would throw in the remainder of the bag into a blunt to smoke with my housemates. I was really proud about my score, and wanted to smoke the rest in a bang with kelly and steve rather than smoking like a scavenger alone in my room. I supplemented my small stash by drinking all the leftover beer from the party. It was great.

I got ripped. Part of drinking on an empty stomach is that it really doesn't take long to get drunk at all! Plus, I had to pregame cuz I was on my way to Bacchus and I didn't wanna spend a lot of money. I ordered hummus to get something substantial in my belly, and a pint of stella to wash it down and hung out at the bar for a little while. Hitched a ride home with a coworker and crashed upstairs around 1AM.

Unfortunately for me, all the beer had begun to give me the spins. I pounded water and took my meds, but my head was still really bothering me. I decided to call it a night and started getting ready for bed. What do I find poking out from under a dvd on my desk? A bag! I swear its my lucky day. I don't remember the last time I found weed, I'm always LOSING it. Its not much, but definitely a good bowl's worth. Just enough to get me to sleep. When my head gets like this, smoking is the only thing that really helps unless I take pain killers, and those make me nauseous, where the pot settles my belly.
Current Mood: surprisedsurprised
26 January 2007 @ 05:22 pm
After painstakingly studying for the GRE for the past six weeks, I took it this afternoon. It was so hard! When I took practice tests and they were this hard, I dismissed it as a fluke, like they're trying to scare me into overstudying. But it was true! Shit was crazy! I remember when it was finally over and I clicked the done button- another fucking section popped up! I had completely forgotten that the real test makes you take an experimental section for future tests when you were done. I was so glad it was over and so disappointed to find out it wasn't really over. And it was math, no less. I pounded that shit out and started getting REALLY resentful because the questions on this section were a hell of a lot easier than the ones I took in the beginning. When it was done I finally got to see my score. 1170! I was aiming for a 1200, so I'm pretty damn psyched.

And its Friday and I don't have work or school! yay!
Current Mood: relievedrelieved